R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.

Sam turned 11 yesterday. Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Aren't you excited about being double-digits?!
Sam: I was double digits last year.
Me (in a lame attempt to think on my feet): Yes, but now you're double-same digits.
Sam (walking away, shaking his head): Mom, sometimes I worry about you.

Me too, Sam. Me, too.

We took Sam to see his rock idol, John Mellencamp, at Conseco fieldhouse Saturday night. I actually joined the Cherry Bomb Club to get presale tickets. With my official Cherry Bomb Club membership, I was also eligible to enter a contest to win band "Meet and Greet" passes. Believe it or not, I won! So, Sam and I were sitting in the stands waiting for the Meet and Greet to start while Chris and Amber sipped lattes in the nearest Starbucks and waited for us. These rocker gals walked up to us and offered us backstage passes (apparently because Sam was so cute and I said it was his birthday). Before I continue this story, did I mention that I am madly in love with John Mellencamp? He's on My List. You know, the same list John Mayer and Dave Mattews are on. The List of men I would leave my beloved husband for if they came knocking. It could happen. But I digress...

So, we sprinted to the backstage party room (well, I did the sprinting and Sam was merely dragged along behind me). When they let us in, we were surrounded by very darkly tanned men with very diamond-clad necklaces and women who had bigger collagen-enhanced lips than my ass. Seriously. We sat down and tried to act cool. Before I knew it, Elaine Irwin Mellencamp had sidled over beside me. Okay, so she doesn't actually sidle. She glides on air. She is the most beautiful, graceful, stunning, head-turning human being I've ever laid eyes on. And her ass is as big as my big toe. No, it's as big as my middle toe--no bigger. I pointed her out to Sam (discreetly, of course) and told him to drink her in. Assured him that he'd never again have this opportunity. Then we saw John. He stood outside the party room door and I was afraid to breathe because I didn't want to scare him away. Long story short, he never came in. But he came close. Within 20 feet. And if I'd had a few drinks, I might have thrown myself at him. But instead, I just stared. At him. And at his wife.

Did I mention that she's on My List now, too?