Waiting Patiently

I've always been jealous of those who say they can hear God speak to them. (Yes, I know envy is one of the seven deadly sins. I KNOW! So is gluttony, but that knowledge doesn't typically come between me and my Oreos.)

Quite honestly, I don't ever remember God speaking directly to me. Through Father Reidman and Sister Veronica Ann, maybe. But directly to me? I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that. I think if He initiated conversation with me, He'd actually enjoy it. But He seems to be busy doing other things like... oh, I don't know... creating the universe and monitoring world wars and tending to all the starving and diseased and impoverished inhabitants of our planet.

He's busy. I get it.

But sometimes, I really want to hear Him. Sometimes, I really want Him to say, "Hey, Katrina! How's it going? Been a long time since I've seen you in the Confessional, huh?" And, of course, I'd have to agree.

Perhaps we'd talk about our favorite singers or authors...

ME: Wow, God, you really gave Jonathan Franzen a lot of talent. Maybe You should have spread that around a bit.

GOD: Yes, I did, Katrina. And there's no need to live in scarcity. There's plenty of talent to go around.

ME: Yeah, I just learned all about scarcity and abundance. I'm working on that. So how about John Mayer? He's pretty easy on the eyes -- one of my favorite creations of Yours. You really outdid yourself on him.

GOD: Yes, I designed him just for you. And I knew you'd enjoy those crazy faces he makes while he's playing, too, so I threw that in for good measure.

ME: You're good, God. God is good.

GOD: Indeed.

You get the gist. Unfortunately, He just doesn't seem to want to engage on my terms.

Today, however, was different. Today, I'm pretty convinced that I heard Him. I was riding my bike in the country, getting all angsty about the possibility of a new job, grad school, new business ventures for Chris, etc., etc. I tend to not be very patient when I don't know how things are going to play out. I tend to want to know what's happening, when it's happening, how it's going to happen, and what every repercussion will be. And if you can throw in an itinerary with all the critical dates and times highlighted, that would just make my day. I might have a teensy-weensy bit of a control issue. Maybe.

So, there I was peddling along, listening to some Indigo Girls, and letting my brain overload itself with "What If? What If? What If?"

And all of a sudden, the music quieted, and somewhere inside my helmet, I heard, "Be still. Open your heart, and let me bring it to you."

SERIOUSLY, GOD?

BE STILL??

LET ME BRING IT TO YOU??

How about I meet you halfway?

Being still is like asking me to eat a live spider or or listen to Kidz Bop for 10 hours straight. It's just not within my realm of possibilities.

Be still?

And just to prove His point, a calmness washed over me like the warm flush of a good Cabernet.

Be still.

I'm working on it. I really am. When my mind starts going in a million different directions, I try to remember that heavenly, warm, red wine message.

After some contemplation, I'm a little concerned that perhaps He's been talking to me for the past 40 years, and I've been too busy to listen.

But I'm listening now. And I'm waiting. And I'm even trying to be patient.

He's bringing something my way. I can feel it.

Shhh... I can't talk right now. God's calling...