All the News That's Fit to Print

Much to my friend Jenny's dismay, I stopped reading the newspaper a long time ago. I'm not sure what pushed me over the edge. It might have been the bloody and daunting headlines. (If I'm going to read something dark, I'd like for it to be fictitious.) It could have been my personal obsession with the obituaries. Perhaps it was my aversion to the tedium of coupon-cutting and the good ole Catholic guilt I experienced when I didn't engage in this particular money-saving means for my family.

Whatever the reason, the newspaper has lost it's appeal for me. And as you all know, I haven't watched TV for over two years. I've given myself completely and wholly over to books. Good books, bad books, well-written books, books filled with drivel. I devour them all. I may not be able to adequately discuss national elections or local happenings at your next party, but I'll be damned if I can't give you some good book recommendations. (Although Jenny would beg to differ...)

As of late, when something worth noting appears in the paper, Jenny mentions it to me or sends it my way. And what a gem she sent today! Hold onto your hats, my Writer Friends. And let me introduce you to "I Write Like" -- the website that analyzes a snippet of your work and reveals the famous author whose writing most closely resembles your own.

Go ahead. Try it.

 http://iwl.me/ 

When I plugged the first chapter of my latest novel in, "I Write Like" determined that I write like...

Wait for it...

MARGARET ATWOOD!

(I know you just got weak in the knees, Nicole. I know. Go ahead and pull out your dog-eared copy of "The Handmaid's Tale" and re-read it during your world travels.)

It's true, friends. I was compared by a random website analysis to one of Canada's quirkiest, darkest, and most brilliant writers. (At least in my humble opinion.)

Next, I plugged in a bit of my memoir and got...

Dan Brown.

Far less exciting for me. I said to Chris over dinner, "But I don't really even like Dan Brown. That must mean the section I plugged in was far too wordy and overly descriptive."

And my husband merely replied (with dollar signs in his eyes), "YOU may not like Dan Brown, Honey. But. Millions. Of. Other. People. Do. Ron Howard liked him enough to sign some multi-million dollar movie deals with him. That can't possibly be a bad thing."

And the capitalist in me instantly felt much better about being Dan Brown-ish.

I realize that some random algorithm lies behind the magic of "I Write Like" and that there is no real merit to the results. I get that it's probably just a smidgen more sophisticated than the Magic 8 ball of my childhood.

But I don't give two shits.

I'm going to continue to plug my words into the damn screen -- ad nauseum -- and see what happens. And on the day I'm compared to my beloved Julia Glass or Donna Tartt... well, then I'm pretty sure my life will be complete.