The song by "The Fray" has been playing again and again in my head today. The line "you've begun to feel like home..." resonates in my heart and in my soul. Jody is moving to Chicago next week. I haven't cried until today. Today, I can't stop crying. I had a dream about lost friendship last night that has settled deeply into me today. I know it was just a dream, but the feeling it left behind is real. It is an empty, aching feeling, and all my girls are too far away today. Stacy is in Mexico, Jody is in Chicago, Andi is in New York. Sometimes I take my friends for granted, but I know that if I ever lost them, I would be lost. When they are away, my world is not right. Chris doesn't understand--and I don't expect him to. There is something between women that I don't think men necessarily share. I love my girls like I love no one else. I need them like I need no one else. It doesn't lessen or negate my love for my children, my husband, my family. It is a different kind of love. No one knows my soul like they do. No one understands my needs and my neuroses like they do.
I'm having surgery on Wednesday. It's not a major surgery, but I still have to have general anesthesia. My underlying and unspoken fear, however unfounded, is not waking up. What a sadness it would be to miss out on what life has left to offer. Stacy, Andi, and I often joke about outliving our husbands and moving to Boca Raton as old, sassy, crochety women together. We know that we'll bicker and fight and probably have too many cats, but we'll love each other with a ferocity that outweighs anything else. My dear friends, "you've begun to feel like home."
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